it’s been 1 year since the most influential event of all time
If Beyonce was a superhero, who would she be
Socks, Bill Clinton’s pet cat, being hounded by the paparazzi
u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
if u hate christmas spirit u can jingle the fuck out of my life
I am sorry for the non-book related post but its been 10 minutes and I am still laughing.
i mean i would eat healthy food but do you remember that one time that adam and eve ate an apple in the garden of eden and doomed all of humanity so idk better not risk it
this is still fucking hilarious, you stupid woman.
when someone tries to talk shit about you and you immediately shut them down
Make Baby Burritos with the Tortilla Swaddle Blanket.
R.I.P. MSN, the only messenger that allowed me to send a giant unavoidable popup of a pig shaking his ass to funky techno music to my conversational partner if they were ignoring me
This one time when I was about 13 I got swine flu and had to stay off school for 2 weeks. While I was off somebody spread a rumour that I wasn’t there because I’d been hit by a truck and died. So when I came back into school I walked into English class and everybody started screaming and I cried.
imagine being a newborn baby. u could fuck with people so hard. like someone goes “oh, how old are you?” you go “55”. they get confused as fuck. “wtf? u dont look close to 55”. at this point u have the upper hand. you smirk, and say “55…minutes”. everyone gets a good laugh. imagine